Confession of a Widowed White Male
by Poison-Quills
Summary: Commander Taylor's story of his and Skye's relationship.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing related to Terra Nova and I own nothing related to Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I'm just a deranged person who likes to play with other people's creations.

Part One:

Chapter One:

I was born in 2090 in UK occupied Iran. My father was easy going man but a stickler to order and procedure. He was a German citizen born in Edinburgh Scotland. As his father before him was an officer in the Army. He earned his US citizenship shortly after marrying my mother. My father became an officer not because the constant civil unrest that decimated most private sector employment but because he wanted to create more efficient and thus deadly weapons. Unlike so many young people of his time that enlisted, the military was one of very few that offered a steady paycheck. My father didn't lack options in spite of the climbing 49 percent unemployment rate.

When I was three my mother died in the third Anthrax attack on Moscow during the Palestine invasion a cosmic fluke in the lapse of updated vaccination. Aside from warmth in the darkest past nothing of her remains in the hollows of my memory. Still my father devoted, not to the country he served but to the great God of war himself, Ares, carried on. Thus I was transferred and shipped as with the rest of his belongings from deployment to station to base while he went from design table to field test.

Still I grew up relatively happy among his weapons and his benign disinterest in me and my development, despite the fatal rigidity of his rules; an unknowing part of the larger military machine that ground its gears and made the world economies go round. All the skirmishes, operations, and battles lost all meaning long before I was born. War was the booming industry, every country profited.

My education was a well rounded as one could get on a military instillation. My teachers a smiling face on my computer screen as they went through the lessons in some remote city thousands of miles from me. Still I received excellent grades for my mediocre work. My father's name preceded himself; his successes meant tens of thousands of factory jobs. Still I was on perfect terms with both my educators and the few other children around me on base. My average abilities inflated for the sake of the larger scheme.

The days of my youth, as I look back, pass by in a flurry of the darkness of fallout and repetitive tasks per the safety lists that allowed me to reach adulthood. I went off, as expected, to Julliard Military Arts Academy. Where much to my father's surprise I studied environmental history until the second Somali Chinese war started. Then everyone's life was put on hold. So it was my adulthood unfolded before me in the very same way it had for all veterans of my generation.

One night when I was on fire watch we were ambushed. I don't remember much from the attack but I remember waking up in the field hospital with a nurse smiling over me. Upon seeing my eyes flutter open her long lean arms checked the dilation of my pupils. Then her small child-like hands checked my pulse just before ripping the IV out of my arm. That would best describe her, fragile looking and tiny but packed a hell of a punch.

Iyanni.

She was unlike anyone I had ever met. While she was well aware of the atrocities that were around her, it was like they could never touch her. She was a late in life child of a trio of politicals. Using part of her water ration to grow roses in her bunk. Her idea of joining the military was the way she could reach as many people in need as possible. Perpetually optimistic, she was the embodiment of everything good left in the world with a titanium core. She was the perfect juxtaposition of worldly and realistic with the naiveté of a sheltered girl.

As the action died down into regular comfortable battles, operations, and the occasional maneuver the prospect of spending the rest of what statistically should have been my short life with her was irresistible. Our lives fell into a quiet routine. Our son born a few years later was an unexpected joy. With the over population we had decided to not have children. The faulty birth control was a blessing in disguise.

Our son grew well and went to university and studied mathematics and biological technology. Though I'm loath to say I did treat him with the same disinterest my father showed my. Though Iyanni influence permeated his entire character. All of his best and virtuous parts came solely from her. I couldn't be prouder of him.

Lucas was so strong when the rebels stormed the city. Because of his quick thinking most of the children were able to flee the city. When they lined him up with the rest of the civilians they had worked him over but he stood tall like a man next to his mother. When the rebel leader announced that each of my men could only save one person… When you marry and live in a war zone you have conversations that you otherwise wouldn't have. Iyanni told me if it ever came down to her or Lucas, I better pick Lucas. She told me that a mind like his was rare and it was my job to ensure that he lived up to his potential.

I stood by helpless as the love of my life and best friend was murdered in front of me. When I looked at my son I saw something inside of him freeze. When those bastards had pulled from Iyanni the very last bit of life they killed my boy too. All that was left in the world that was good, pure, and kind died with my family that night.

The unnecessary years that followed were peppered with terse interactions with my son and near suicidal missions. Those missions propelled an already respectable military career into a legendary one. That legend was the reason I was chosen to be the first through the portal, the commander of Terra Nova. Truth be told I went because I had heard through a few channels that my son was due to lead one of the research groups.

Those first four months alone before the first wave settlers followed solidified my resolve that this colony would work. No matter what. As I walked through the dense jungle setting up stakes where the first buildings would be, I saw that this truly was humanities only hope for survival. This hope slowly gave me back my will to live.

My son came out on the second wave.

Soon after he arrived my hopes of repairing out relationship were dashed. He began to question the ethics of changing another timeline's past. Entering deeper and deeper into his research, he was rarely seen outside his lab. His grasp on reality began to slip also. Soon he was just… Gone.

The only thing I have left is some scrawling on rocks…

During his decline, what I believe push him over the edge, was the outbreak of Sincylillic Fever. Even paradise isn't without its struggles. That disease the mixed blessing in itself, we lost so many good people so quickly but without it I would have never gotten to get close to Skye.

Perhaps if I hadn't experienced such loss at such a young age or if I hadn't grown up in an environment where the decimation of my human man was so highly valued or the quick loss of my wife and the slow loss of my son I would have been immune to Skye's charm, the elusive, shifty, soul-shattering charm that separated her from the average girl. I tried my best. I want it known by who ever reads this in the future that Nathanial Taylor was a good man. Weak, but a good man.


	2. Chapter 2

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

Chapter 2:

A/N: This story will jump around in time. I figured that I should give ya'll a heads up because it might be confusing.

Upon leaving the infirmary I took the scenic route to my home. My thoughts lingered on Skye. I walked along the perimeter fence listening to gravel crunch under my boots. Alone under that unforgiving moon, that little girl's betrayal brought me to my knees. I say this with no shame. Not since my wife's death did I ever cry that hard. My angel, my salvation, my innocent… Long ago she stole my heart and I willingly gave up my soul now she so blithely torn both apart.

How long I knelt there feeling the best part of me die; I don't know. What felt like hours later, exhausted in every form I rose from the dirt and continued my journey home. By the time I reached my front door my composure returned. No matter what happened I still had to be the stoic leader my people needed. Especially now.

As reached out to open the door an idea rushed through me like wind through my hand. Was any of it real for her or was it part of the act to get intel? I opened my door and found Skye sitting waiting for me.

"I want you out now," I said as I walked to the bedroom. I couldn't look at her. Seeing her there, doe eyed, I knew she was sorry but… I couldn't. I just couldn't. I felt myself grow more and more angry with every step I took toward my room past her. By the time I reached my room I couldn't see straight and part of me prayed she listened for once and just left because I knew I was unmanageable. I didn't know what I would do but I knew from battlefield experience what I was capable of.

Not long after I slammed the door shut did I hear her follow me in while I started to undress. I never wanted to be as far from someone before. Standing with my back to her my boots and shirt off. I never felt as prone. That only made me angrier.

"Nate please," she started. I heard her soft foot steps come up behind me. Closing my eyes when I felt her hands on my back hating body for responding to her touch.

I felt a small sense of satisfaction when I spun around on her and she jumped. Then with the swiftness usually reserved for battle I grabbed her by both her wrists and began to shove her toward the door.

"No," I hissed giving her a final shove toward the doorway. She stumbled backward and landed hard against the doorframe. "Get the fuck out of my house." I stood over her as she stared up at me from the floor. Her eyes. Those eyes that could get me walk through hell. Her eyes began to fill with tears. "Let me help you," I said before grabbing the messenger bag she was wearing. Ripping it from her I went to my closet and began to pull out the few articles of clothing from them. After shoving them into the bag I repeated the task with the dresser. I violently pulled her belongings out if the drawers trying desperately to cover up the sound of her crying. She had gotten off the floor and started to walk toward me again.

"How could you? After all I've done for you?" I yelled as Skye while I shoved the rest of her belongings into a bag. When Shannon approached me I wanted to kill him. To doubt my Skye? She would never deliberately hurt me like this.

"I know," she whispered not looking at me anymore. Her eyes were red rimmed and glassy from tears not yet shed. Then she raised her eyes from the floor… My heart fell like it did the first time our eyes locked. So many firsts we shared together and now this was the first time she ever intentionally hurt me.

"I'm done. We're done," I threw the bag at her. "I want you out."

"I know," she whispers as she picks up the bag and begins to walk out of the room.

I wondered again as she walked away if any of it was real. Just how far did Mira make her go to get what she wanted? In that moment I wanted more of a fight from her. I wanted her to fight for me. For what we had not to just walk away. Even if I told her so.

The dam of self-control burst and in three long strides I was behind her again. I smiled as she yelped when I grabbed her and shoved her into the wall. Pinning her body with mine I leaned down and hissed in her ear. "For three years you were just Mira's whore."

Skye's eyes grew wide and she shoved me away from her with a strength I didn't knew she had. Then with, those beautiful blue eyes flashing, she punched me. I saw it coming and could have stopped it but part of me wanted a reason. Part of me wanted to feel her physically hurt me. I reached out and grabbed her by the back of the hair and pulled her close to me. "You could have come to me." There was no trace of fear in her eyes. I breathed in her scent again hating my body for responding to her.

"I kno…" I cut her off, crushing my mouth against hers. She whimpered and went rigid in my arms. I felt her lip split against her teeth and tasted her coppery blood. I wanted to hurt her as much as she had me. I wanted to consume her as much as she had me. I wanted her to love me as much as I did her.

Her clothing tore easily away from her body. Skye surprised me when she wrapped her arms around my neck and began to kiss me with just as much passion. I know my calloused hands scratched her as I felt the familiar surfaces of her body. Then she bit my lip, eliciting a growl from me as it started to bleed. Grabbing her by the belt loops of her jeans I picked her up and carried her toward the bed. After tossing her roughly on her back I stared down at her. Her hair messed, her skin flushed, and fire in her eyes. I wiped my mouth and looked at my own blood.

"You're going to regret that little girl," I said. Then I descended upon her and in the time that followed I had never hated myself or someone else as I did then. We attacked each other pouring all my anxiety, my hurt, and my rage into this base act. This one pure honest moment, our first in over three years.

I swear in the thick of it while I kissed her throat as she digging her nails in until my back was ribbons. She arched up in her climax and after she screamed my name I heard her say, "I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

A/N: It didn't dawn on me until this afternoon that the last chapter I posted was the depiction of a questionable consent between a man in his 50s and a 17-year-old girl. If you read any of my other stories you'll find I have a habit of pairing older men with younger women. While Lolita isn't my favorite book I do find the concept of a corrupt youth taking advantage of weak adults an interesting theme.

Chapter 3:

I want to wax poetic about the how Skye came to live with me. I desperately want to tell you a story that sounds like a fairytale, filling each of these pages with purple prose. But that would be a lie. Lieutenant Tate was a fine soldier; he was a good man, and loved Skye and Debra with every fiber of his being. It was fickle fortune and her twisted sense of humor that placed Skye and me together.

I might have never loved Skye had I not first seen her as I gave the welcome speech from the command center to the fifth pilgrimage. Usually as I speak I scan the crowd memorizing faces trying to get an idea of how these people would shape the fabric of our colony; this time was no different. Most people are wide eyed and look around not really listening to what I'm saying. I understand it's new, it's different, and so I keep it short. This time as I scanned the crowd there was a girl tender and pale, as the cream colored shirt she wore, from the lack of sunlight in 2145, perfect. Her long brown hair curled around her face, and from where I stood the light caught it right making it shine. She couldn't have been more than thirteen years old. She didn't look around or fidget like the other people instead staring at me intently; studying me. I'll admit it made me uncomfortable to be under such scrutiny. Our eyes locked across the distance. Her blue eyes belonged on someone ages older than she. I believe the old expression is that she was an old soul. I stumbled in my speech and needed to look away. I was drawn to her from that moment on.

Then life went on as usual. The weeks that followed I would see her as I went about the business of commanding a colony. I would pause and watch her for a moment, confused how a mere child would cause my heart to stop. Walking with her mother in the marketplace, her movements were fluid with a grace that was beyond her years. Her sun kissed shoulders and long arms my eyes would wander down the curve of waist to her girlish hips just starting to shape into a woman's. Occasionally she would catch me looking at her and give me a shy smile before turning away. This unattainable beauty would torture me exquisitely with her naiveté. Completely unaware of what she did to me. Knowing full well my feelings were not only wrong but also deviant; I would have happily lived out the rest of my days watching her from afar.

Tate was brought on when a slasher ate my last logistical engineer, and he jumped right into his job. Completely reorganizing the work teams and the commissary. In a week, due to his organization, the orchards in the south field would be complete four months ahead of schedule. The man was a machine always the first in and always the last out. Also he was a damn likeable man, easy to smile, smart, always a good word for people. In a short time he became an integral part of my team.

One evening in the summer Tate and I were going over strategies to make the building inventory more efficient. That's when fate decided to push me into Skye's life.

"Good work today, Tate," I said at the end of the meeting.

"Permission to speak freely, Sir," he said.

"Granted."

"Sir, my wife wanted me to ask you," Tate began looking a bit nervous, "if you wanted to come over for dinner."

"Really," I must admit I was genuinely surprised. With the lore of my time in Terra Nova before the rest of the first pilgrimage arrived I was slowly being transformed from a man into an idea. This apparently put people off and created the obstacle of making any real connections to the colonists.

"Well," he stammered, I think worried he had offended me, "my wife is a bit of a nester and if she isn't cooking for a bunch of people she isn't really happy."

After Iyanni passed away the majority of my meals came from mess hall, much to the relief of Lucas who was on the receiving end of my culinary endeavors. This evening was no different. My grand plans for the night were to take in an early meal and get to bed so I could do a surprise inspection on fire watch; nothing that couldn't be moved to another night. I was apprehensive about being in that close of proximity to Skye, worried that I would give myself away.

"I'd be honored," I said mostly to put the nervous man at ease. I was touched that someone offered to open their home to me.

After giving me a time and location of his residence I went and cleaned myself up looking for something decent to wear to the Tate's house. After all my years in the military my off duty clothing were variations of the shade of green or they were black. I found an old blue shirt Iyanni got me for my birthday one year but I kept my usual cargo pants. I couldn't remember the last time that I was this nervous watching myself shake in the mirror.

Even though I had been out of the social loop for several years, I did swing by the marketplace and purchased a bottle of what passes for wine out here, relieved that something of my wife did rub off on me. The walk did wonders to clear my head and by the time I arrived at the Tate's my initial apprehension was gone. Nathanial Taylor is a seasoned war veteran and can get through on dinner with a teenaged girl.

When I knocked on the Tate's door my old soul answered. Looking me in the eye like she did during the speech. My heart fell, it was like it was everywhere at once. Knowing full well that it was wrong, but the power of that emotion confused and angered me. That moment at the door I knew I was in love with Skye Tate. It was irrational, it was sudden, and it scared the hell out of me. Disturbed at this development I resolved to actively avoid her that evening.

My tactics to avoid her were moot because as soon as she lead me to her parents Skye ran off to play with some of the other children. Debra graciously welcomed me and led me to their living room where Tate was working on some papers for an upcoming expedition.

"Commander," Tate rose to greet me. I put a hand up to stop him.

"We're off duty, call me Nathanial." I took the offered seat on the couch across from him. "How does the timetable look for the western peninsula?" We talked shop until Debra came and informed us that dinner was ready.

Debra was a bright and cheerful woman. You could tell she was in her element with someone over. I imagine if there hadn't been restrictions on family size the Tate's would have had a very large one. We made polite conversation and she asked about my family and where I had come from. Tate and I broke off into shop talk again every so often. Skye treated me with the benign disinterest a teenager often gives her elders. It was one of the most enjoyable evenings I've had in a long time.

After dinner Skye again ran off with her friends and when I noticed the late hour I wrapped up the evening not wanting to over stay my welcome. Thanking and wishing the Tate's a good evening I headed for home.

Well after dark I was rounding a corner when Skye ran into me head on. I was barely moved but she was knocked to the ground. Quickly getting over my surprise I helped the young woman up.

"Shouldn't you be getting home," I said smiling at her while I dusted her off. "You never know what's going to come out after dark."

"Yes, sir." She said. My hands lingered on her shoulders, her arms, her hands unwilling to let her go. Fighting every part of me that wanted to sweep her off into the darkness myself. I prayed she didn't notice how I burnt for her. The silence between us grew as I held her hands and looked at her eyes.

"Go on then," I said pulling away from her gaze. Hoping I hadn't crossed a line. Still I watched her until turned the corner out of my sight.

The next day I set up another date to come over. From then on out my visits quickly went from once a week to several times a week. Soon other families joined us and Debra proved to be just as valuable as her husband when it came to unit cohesiveness. This was how life settled for us until Sincyllic Fever broke out that winter.


	4. Chapter 4

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

Chapter 4:

I held Skye while she cried herself to sleep; exactly like I did the first six months after I became her guardian. If her tears were from remorse over her actions or pain over my own action, I wasn't sure. She didn't push me away when I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She didn't flinch from me as my fingers stroked her long hair. Then that could have been wishful thinking on my part. I promised I would never hurt her and I'm sure that what I just inflicted on her tore away something inside. It wasn't too long before her sobs slowed and her breathing evened out. While I like to think it was because she still felt safe enough to fall asleep with me it could just have been exhaustion.

Early morning light was just beginning to filter through the window shades. It cast a yellowish grey light giving my beloved an ethereal glow. I disentangled myself from her arms. Skye looked so small in the middle of my bed. I was amazed at how small she still is. Her lips parted and her brown hair feathered across the pillow wisps floated around her face perfectly angelic; I knew I would never be able to forgive her. After pulling the blanket around her, tucking her in like I did the first six months, I left her to get ready for day and start preparations for the upcoming war.

I found that when I entered my bathroom I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. The hot stream from my shower ran pink and stung as it hit my back. I deserved it. I deserved everything she did to me. Resting my head against the wall I waited until the water ran clear before continuing my shower. Usually my morning routine is a very efficient system but perhaps that morning I was attempting to wash away some of my self-hatred because it must have taken me twice as long. I don't think I was very successful on that count.

Last night I didn't think that my heart could have broke anymore. That is until I walked back into my bedroom to find that she had left. In hindsight, I think I always knew that my liaison with Skye would end badly. My biggest fear was that I was too late that I had lost her already. More than anything I wanted to go to her. Try to heal this rift between us. Desperately needing to make it right before the eleventh pilgrimage. Before it was too late. However, my anger and pride prevented me from even trying.

My day started with an early morning meeting between Wash, Guzman, Shannon, and me about fixed site protection and terrain analysis. I no longer had the luxury of worrying about my personal life. We broke for a quick lunch and planned to meet by the gate to speak to my men. The sooner we implemented these strategies the more time we would have to prepare a contingency plan.

Walking to the mess hall I found out that Skye being the Sixer spy spread through the colony like wildfire. I caught glimpse of her as she walked through the market to, I presume, the infirmary. Most people wouldn't look at her. Others would stop mid sentence as she approached. True to any tight knit community, they closed ranks and were all but shunning Skye. Part of me was pleased that she was feeling the repercussions of her betrayal but a smaller part of me hurt to see her treated like a pariah.

That evening after giving the night patrol their marching orders so there wouldn't be a break in battle readiness, I headed toward Skye's house. Not sure of what I would say when I saw her. Still too angry to apologize and I still couldn't forgive her for that Pandora's box she opened. Realizing that it could not end well I paused around the corner of her house willing myself to just head home and avoid what is sure to be another nasty confrontation. Just as I was turning to leave I heard the front door open and Skye and Hunter fighting.

"I don't even know you anymore," Hunter said. I saw him walk away from the house carrying a box.

"Don't go," Skye followed. "You don't understand." At this Hunter stopped and turned around in the street.

"I understand perfectly Skye." They had started to draw a crowd. "You sold us out…"

"But my mo…"

"It doesn't matter the reason, Skye," at this point Hunter was yelling. "There were other ways. You could have trusted us." He shook his head and turned and began to walk away again. "There were other ways."

Skye stood for a moment watching Hunter's retreating figure before she became aware of the crowd that gathered. She looked up at her friends and neighbors most of which wouldn't allow her to catch their eye. I stepped out from the shadows so she could see I was there. My darling was a beautiful mess, her eyes rimmed and swollen from crying, her face bright red from embarrassment. A terrific disaster. Her eyes clouded when she saw me, her face deepened into a lovely shade of crimson just before she walked back into her house. As I heard the frond door latch, I closed my eyes and pushed down the pain I was felt. Knowing she was reaping what she has sown.

I discovered later that evening all of her housemates had moved out. With Debra still in the infirmary Skye was left completely alone. It would be even more difficult for Skye to get around without the support of her housemates. With them leaving it would only be easier for the entire community to ostracize her. I began to worry that the vendors would turn her away next time she went to market. Knowing that the next day was the day she usually went, it dawned on me how I might be able to extend an olive branch.

If there were anything humanly possible I could have one to banish these feelings I would have done it in a heartbeat. She was making me weak, distracting me from the mission at hand. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to be able to banish her from the colony without a second thought.

The next morning I ended the command meeting early and made sure they didn't need me until afternoon. Wash just rolled her eyes at me, knowing where I was headed. She was probably the only person who really understood what Skye meant to me and she made it a point of letting me know, in her own subtle way, that she didn't approve.

"Nathanial you have better things to do," it was all she said as she left the command post. It was the closest thing to a lecture that she would give me. Our many years together we have refined our interactions to an economy of words and actions, Wash learned a long time ago never to come between me and a mission, no matter how quixotic it appears to her.

I caught up with Skye as she made her way from the commissary to the marketplace. Coming up on her left flank I took her bag before she could stop me.

"What are you doing," she asked reaching for her shopping bag.

"Trying to solve something without my fists," I said and put my arm around her waist leading her toward the market. Skye followed the same routine as her mother did before she got sick and I had long ago memorized Skye's every movement in the colony. I approached the vegetable vendor.

"Commander," the merchant said.

"Chuck," I returned. I looked at Skye and asked, "What did you want to get." Skye picked out several items. We repeated the process at a few other booths. The entire time she didn't talk to me. Eventually she started walking back toward her home. She held her arm out for her bag and shot me a sharp look. Ignoring her request I continued with her toward her house.

Skye entered her home first, leaving the door wide open, neither inviting or turning me away. I set the bag on the kitchen counter and looked around while Skye began to put her purchases away. The house wasn't exactly in disrepair but with four young adults living there, any trace of Debra's meticulous housekeeping was long gone. It had been awhile since I've been in the home. After I pushed aside some of the clutter on the bar I sat down and watched while Skye worked. There wasn't a part of her that wasn't unknown to me but still I grew weak watching the grace she moved with. Each time it was like I saw her for the first time.

"Look at me," I commanded. She stopped mid reach as she was placing a bag of sugar in an overhead cabinet. After placing the bag slowly on the counter she turned but her eyes only traveled as far as my chest. After a moment she picked the sugar and continued her work, only much more slow and deliberate in her movements. "Please don't make me beg." I all but whispered. She slammed the cabinet shut still refusing to face me.

"What Nate," she shouted. "What do you want from me?" I rose from my spot and crossed the side of counter going to her. Trying to place my hands on her shoulders but she stiffened just before pulling away.

"I'm trying." She spun around at my words finally looking me in the eye.

"Trying to what," she yelled. "Show me how I can't survive without you. Trying to rub my face in the fact I betrayed everyone?" She tried to shove me away but I wasn't moving. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I was just trying to take care of my family." I knew it wasn't intentional but her words stung.

"Why didn't you come to me?" I asked.

"Come to the guy that's trying like hell to fuck me since I was twelve?" I stepped back from her. She might as well have stabbed me then. "Nate you're great on a large level. Great at this colony but you suck at one on one."

"You ungrateful…" my anger began to rise. How dare she put this on me.

"See there we go. There's the Nathan I know," she said giving me a cruel smile and began to advance toward me. "What are you going to do now? Hit me? Hurt me? Banish me? I know how you solved your problems with Lucas…" At the mention of my son I backhanded her. Slowly she raised her hand to her cheek. "See." I turned on my heels and left the house with her yelling after me. "I couldn't come to you because I was afraid of your reaction."

Later that evening I set my tray across from Wash's and sat across from her. We ate in silence for a few minutes before she spoke to me.

"How did it go?" she asked not looking up from her tray. I didn't say anything. "Thought so." We finished out meal in silence. Afterward we joined the night patrol and went through the tasks that needed to be completed that evening. I stayed long after Wash had retired for the night helping those young men retrieve the cargo for the morning's convoy. It wasn't till well after two that I finally left them to finish up. I tried to create things for me to do. Attempting to stall going to sleep or at least exhaust myself to the point I couldn't think straight. Eventually I fell into bed willing my eyes to close. It was no use making it so I would be useless the next day.

Later I heard her slip through the door. Her soft steps moved across the floor, like I taught her. I rolled on my side and allowed her to slip under the blankets with me. She ran her fingers through my hair causing an involuntary shiver. Keeping my eyes closed, not so much to feign sleep, but to memorize this moment. Moments like these would get anyone through anything. I felt her breathe and eyelashes flutter on my neck as she pressed against me. I placed my hand gently on her hip tracing tiny circles with my fingers not quite sure what to do next.

"Skye," I began not sure where I wanted to go with it. I was completely and utterly defeated. I didn't know what to do anymore. My best wasn't enough to save Iyanni. It wasn't enough to save Lucas from his madness. Why would it be enough to save this young lady?

She pressed her lips lightly on mine. I'm sure to judge my reaction. Returning her kiss in kind. We made up very slowly that night. Though we had been with each other so many times before, it was so different. We met each other as equals on a level field. Skye could have been any other place but she chose to be with me.


	5. Chapter 5

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

Chapter 5:

A/N: This is (if you haven't figured it out) is a combination of Lolita and Terra Nova. There will be questionable content in this chapter but no sex.

After Debra was gone there were several attempts to place Skye with different families. First with Guzman because Tasha was the same age as my beloved and it should have been a perfect fit. Skye went through a period where she would refuse to leave her bed then another period where she would sneak out and break into her old room. These issues could have been worked through but not long after her second break in, Guzman's wife died in childbirth. It was just too much grieving over his wife, a new baby, and handling Tasha's grief. For the next three months Skye was shuffled between families her behavior escalating with each move. While I orchestrated these arrangements, I didn't visit Skye. We lost a lot of good people that winter and I knew I couldn't be strong. The last family was the Boyce's by then Skye started to skip school and when she was caught out after curfew drunk I had to intervene.

"Security found her by the west parameter," Wash said as she none too gently nudged Skye toward me. It was half past three when Wash woke me by pounding on my door. Thinking it was an emergency, I pulled on a pair of PT shorts and answered the door not expecting to see a very inebriated teenager and my very angry Lieutenant.

"Nice," Skye slurred looking me over apparently approving. Wash smacked her on the arm and told her to stand up straight. I invited them in and then promptly sent Skye to the bathroom to drink a glass of water and clean off the smeared mascara that unattractively ran down her cheeks. A quick appraisal showed me that she was a mere ghost of the girl I knew. She had deep circles under her eyes and was much too pale for my liking. I watched as she stumbled her way down my hall, noticing that she had lost quite a bit of weight. I wasn't too fond of her walking around outside in a skirt that short…

"She needs a firm hand Taylor," Wash called my attention back to her and the situation at hand. "This girl is hell bent on being civilization's first juvenile delinquent." I hadn't seen Wash this angry in a long time. I remember it clearly, she had her arms crossed and was rapidly tapping her foot against the floor.

I spent an unsuccessful few minutes trying to strong arm Wash into taking the girl. A strong female dealing out the discipline was exactly what Skye needed. I was shut down quickly.

"I'm no one's mommy," she snapped. I took a seat on my couch and offered her a place across from me but she refused. I studied my lieutenant for a moment and gave the idea of her taking Skye in one more go. I tried to use guilt but she would have none of it. "Sixty seven stitches. Healed with full range of motion. Does it ever give you a problem?" It didn't, never had one problem with it. "You need to get past this little infatuation of yours and deal with this. Right now." I was stunned she would talk to me like that but I didn't get a chance to dispute because she turned on her heels and stormed out of my house. Slamming the door hard enough to shake a few of the pictures on the walls.

Skye didn't come out of the bathroom after over a half hour so I went down the hall and knocked on the door. When she didn't answer I took a deep breath and entered.

"Skye…" I looked around the door and found her sitting on the floor next to the sink. She was fast asleep curled up leaning against the wall. I picked her up and carried her to the living room. The jostle of being moved stirred my lovely and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Baby," she murmured and began to kiss my neck while she lazily toyed with the back of my hair. Trying to divert my sleeping maiden from her task was nearly impossible. Knowing my resolve wouldn't be that strong this time of night, I unsuccessfully tried to pull away from her. By the time I reached the living room I was in a state of excitement bordering on insanity. The weight of her in my arms, her pressing against my chest, her natural smell mixed with the earthy smell of the season; all of it about sent me over the edge. When I laid her on the couch her eyes fluttered open for a moment, glassy not really seeing me, she pulled me closer and pressed her lips to mine. I groaned at the lightening that shot through me and against the higher logic that stepped in before I could even think of returning the kiss. Quickly I pulled away standing up. Giving one last quick look at her a sprawl on my couch, I made a hasty retreat back to my room.

The next morning brought clarity as to how to handle Skye's behavior. Lucas went through a similar phase when his mother was killed. Both of them were hurt and angry at forces they couldn't control. Perhaps Skye would benefit from felling empowered about her place in the world and her ability to control it. It then dawned on me that I should do with Skye what I did with Lucas. When I left the house I made plans to take her fishing.

"Damn it Wash, I can take care of myself and a little girl for a couple of days," I said while loading up the rover.

"Yeah but this little girl is the colony's problem child," Wash replied arms akimbo and standing a tad too close for my comfort.

"The girl's been through a lot."

"Yeah keep telling yourself that," Wash walked away after flatly saying that.

I arrived at the Boyce's in the early afternoon and was greeted warmly by Mrs. Boyce. She led me to the kitchen telling me that the children should be arriving from school soon. We made bland talk of mundane matters: how the Indian summer affected the harvest, would we have a mild winter, the growing season for next year. Soon my darling and Hunter walked through the door. I handed Skye an empty pack and a pair of boots I requisitioned for the trip.

"Go pack three days of clothes fit for OTG. Now those have been worn before so they should be broken in," I said. Skye gave me a funny sidelong glance but took the pack and complied. I turned to Mrs. Boyce and said, "We'll see how this trip goes. Please think about keeping Skye here."

Not too long my beloved emerged from her room wearing the boots, a sensible pair of cargo pants, a white ¾ sleeve shirt with a dark green vest. Good enough for our purposes.

While I had the purest intentions, I couldn't remember the last time I was that nervous. For me the outing had the air of a date rather than the discipline instilling exercise I intended it to be. My goal of the trip was to provide Skye an anchor. The majority of the drive out to the lake was silent. Occasionally I would ask a question but Skye resolved to ignore me stared out the window at the passing landscape. Though every so often she would show cursory interest and answered in one or two syllables.

When we arrived to the sight I told Skye that we would both be sleeping in the back of the rover to avoid becoming a meal for the local wildlife. She gave me another sidelong glance and a bemused smile.

"The army went coed with their barracks over a century ago, young lady," I said. While I did adore Skye and desperately wanted to possess her more than I wanted to breathe, I didn't want her to think that I had planned something untoward. "Let's settle this once and for all. Since your parents have passed and you have ran off any other families I am your guardian. I care a great deal about you. While we are on this trip I am responsible for your welfare. In order for this to work we need to enter into a kind of…" I struggled to find the word but Skye beat me to it.

"I think the word you're thinking of is statutory rape." She giggled her laughter, something I hadn't heard in a long time, sounded like bells.

"Partnership," I didn't want her to see how ruffled she got me. Though I'm sure I was bright red. "For that to happen I need you to trust me and I need to be able to return that trust." I placed a hand on her shoulder looking in her eyes. "Can we do that?"

She agreed and we went about setting up camp. After adjusting the weight on the compound bow to better suit her we tried to go fishing. With no luck we dined on MREs that I brought and I sent her to bed early so she would be asleep long before I retired. After checking the site one more time I climbed into the back of the rover and secured the hatch. A small sound from Skye's bag made me aware that not only was she awake she was crying.

"Skye," I said.

"What?" She sniffled and rolled over to face me.

"Are you alright?"

"I just miss them."

"I know." I took off my boots and climbed into my bag. "Come here," I offered. Skye got out of her bag and climbed into mine. I held her until she wore herself out and finally fell asleep. I stayed awake most of the night watching her sleep.

The next morning I was awake before she and was mesmerized by the way the light streamed in on her face then she stirred awake. Looking at me she smiled. The next thing I knew I felt her lips on mine. It was a mere flutter but still very much there. Pulling back she smiled at me again before grabbing her pack and leaving the rover. When I emerged she was still dressing. Changing her top to be exact. I unintentionally stared as she stretched her arms up to pull a shirt over her head and followed the fabric as it fell down her back. She smiled at me over her shoulder catching me. I headed onto the woods in the opposite direction to take care of my personal matters.

The day went better. Her attitude was more like it was before her parents died but when night came again she was crying and again she crawled into my bag and I held her. Even after she fell asleep I held her. By the time we left two days later we were just sleeping in the same bag.

The night before we left I made a choice that solidified my decision to not return Skye to the Boyce's but to have her move in with me. Hoping fervently that drastic changes she made on this trip would stick if she were in my household. Also, honestly, after spending this time with her I couldn't imagine living another day apart from her. I was completely lost. I chose to tell Skye while we were eating our evening meal.

"Skye?"

"Commander?" Skye answered giving me wry smile.

"Since we're out here you can just call me Nathanial," I said trying to put the girl at ease before springing yet another move on her.

"Has anyone ever called you Nate," Skye asked.

"Nope, no one has ever tried," I replied honestly.

"Can I call you Nate?"

"Taking a lot of liberties aren't you," I said and nudged her with my arm. "Sure when no one is around you can call me that." I used that opportunity to inform her she would be living with me. My beloved took the news well, at least I think she did. Upon telling her all she did was give me quick glance out of the corner of her eye and flashed a small smile.

When we returned to the colony the plan was for Skye to finish out the week at the Boyce's while I cleared out my spare room. The first night we returned she snuck out again. I woke to the sound of her soft footsteps coming across the floor. I could recognize them anywhere. It was a little disconcerting, I knew what she had come for, but there is a difference between sleeping with someone in a sleeping bag while you are fully clothed and someone sneaking into your room at home where you are accustomed to wearing very little. My heart pounded as I listened to her take off her clothes. Every part of me knew I should send her back to the Boyce's but the larger selfish part of me couldn't bring myself to do that. I rolled on my side to allow her to get under the blanket with me. When she curled up next to me and pulled my arm around her, I was never so grateful when I felt that she was wearing shorts and a tank top. She pushed her back against me and began to cry. I held her as before.

Skye officially moved in with me the next day.

I wasn't quite prepared for the reality of taking in another child. When Iyanni passed Lucas was fourteen, almost a man. Granted, Skye was also fourteen but being female… Let alone the object of my obsession. It presented unique problems I never anticipated. If Wash hadn't stepped in at key moments I don't know how I would have made it through the first year.

One such evening Wash appeared on my doorstep unannounced.

"Sir," she greeted me and walked into the house before I could invite her. "I'm here to see Skye," she said as she was walking toward the girl's room. Skye had been excessively moody for the past week but it came to a head when she burst into tears right after dinner and locked herself in her room. She was unresponsive to my knocks and I eventually asked if she needed a medic. I put a call into the clinic over an open channel. Completely baffled and incredibly worried, after a brief description of the symptoms I was told someone would be over.

"What's going on," I asked blocking her way to Skye's room.

"Nothing Sir," she answered and tried to move around me.

"Now wait just a damn minute. I want to know what the hell is going on in my own house," my voice rose finally at my wits end. Wash let out a sigh, very uncharacteristic for her and went over to the table. Out of the bag she took a box of tampons and another box of sanitary pads. "Oh," was all I said.

"Yeah," she said and put everything back into the bag and went and knocked on Skye's door. They were in there for at least two hours. Finally Wash emerged and bid me farewell.

It was the first night that Skye didn't sleep with me.

Our days fell into a comfortable routine. All of her behavior problems appeared to work out. I continued to admire her from afar. For about a year I smoldered for her while she carried on oblivious to my affections. That year she blossomed into a young woman. Losing her coltish legs, her hips rounded out, and she grew several inches. Each day I fell more and more in love with her.

I was able to keep under some semblance of control that was until shortly after Skye had been released from school to start looking for internships. The schools will essentially graduate students around fifteen so they can start training for a vocation. I was sitting in my living room looking over security reports. My beloved came into the room with her Plex and flopped on the couch next to me. My heart beat like a drum when she threw her legs across my lap. Her Plex lie across her lap she read while playing with an apple. I looked at her out the corner of my eyes to watch as she would take a bite then toss the apple in the air. During one of the tosses I intercepted the apple and took a bite of it.

"Give that back," she tossed her Plex on the coffee table and lunged for her apple. I moved it farther out of her reach. She was adorable making a grab for it. I moved it my full arms length the opposite direction than up over her head. Eventually she found herself straddling my lap. For once I was almost unaware. Completely taken by the sport I made of her. Making one final lunge she grabbed it from my hand then sat back and took another bite but didn't remove herself from my lap. Innocently, I placed my hands on her thighs to steady her when she looked as if she would fall backward. Suddenly she was aware of how close she was to me. Instead of becoming embarrassed and pulling away she just got quiet and looked at me. Then she leaned in and kissed me. It wasn't the chaste flutter that she gave me while we were camping or the drunken assault it had a rough sophistication to it. I was more than happy to kiss back and began to lead the kiss. My heart pounded till I thought it would burst. My head swam from lack of oxygen. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck. The kiss lasted an eternity and ended much too soon.

From then on this is how she would greet me. Sometimes it was a peck sometimes much more. Each a sweet temptation that led me farther down the path toward my destruction.


	6. Chapter 6

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

Chapter 6:

A/N: Thank you so much for my reviews. I really appreciate all of my readers. You people are awesome. I rewrote chapter one to make it canon compliant.

For the first time in years my sleep wasn't plagued with images of the battlefield or the death of my wife. I did dream of Iyanni. We were in the field hospital where we first met. She was standing over me, like when I first saw her. Placing her hand on my cheek and smiled.

"You can't save everyone Nathanial," It was painful to hear her voice. All these years I've lived with the burden of my failure but the aura around her was nothing but forgiving. "Especially if they don't want to be saved."

"I tried to do right by our boy," my voice cracked.

"Right now you need to do right by _all _the women in your life." Iyanni leaned in touching her forehead to mine right before she ripped the IV out of my arm.

Again I woke up alone but to the smell of coffee.

I ventured out to my kitchen and found it empty. On the counter was a still steaming pot and a note. 'Be back tonight. Love S'. I set the note aside and poured me a mug. It was thick, almost syrupy, exactly how I liked it. If my coffee couldn't strip varnish than it wasn't worth drinking. My beloved hated it. She would thin hers out with water and pour a disgusting amount of sugar in it. I hoped that it boded well for the future, her offering and promise of return that evening.

While I was still mulling over Iyanni's words and organizing the events of my day someone knocked on my door. Before I had a chance to answer it Wash walked in and sat down at my bar. She wasn't looking at me but instead started to stare intently at a spot on the counter.

"Wash," I acknowledged her presence and leaned against the counter waiting to see what she did next.

"Good morning Commander," she greeted me stiffly. Not once in the years we had been together had she taken advantage of our friendship for her to take the liberty of walking into my house unannounced it had to be something big.

"What do I owe this pleasure," I asked. "Coffee?"

"No," she shook her head and continued to stare intently at a spot on the counter. I could tell she was gathering her thoughts.

"What," she finally looked up at me, "does that little girl have?" I admit I was surprised to hear her talk to bluntly about my relations with Skye. "I don't get it. I just don't… and I need to get it, right now."

"Now Wash," I said. Keeping the counter between us I started moving toward her.

"No!" She yelled. "I never liked what you were doing but I stood by while you did it. I'm as guilty as you are but now. We. Are. At. War. Because you let her run wild." Wash gripped the edge of the countertop and I could see her knuckles getting white. Giving her and me a moment, I retrieved another mug and poured her a cup of coffee. The act of adding the creamer and two teaspoons of sugar was grounding. This was not a conversation I wanted to have and not with one of my subordinates. I slid the cup across the counter toward Wash and waited to see what she would do next. Honestly I half expected for her to chuck the mug at my head.

"Alica…" I began slowly. She raised her hand and stopped me.

"This is big. This is more than digging latrines. This is treason Nathanial," She sighed closing her eyes. "You can't let this go."

"Don't you think I know that," my voice grew in volume with each word. I felt myself start to shake.

"Then what is it then?" she matched me in volume. "Explain. What does she have? What hold does she have on you?"

"Do you think I planned this," I tried to get control of my voice but instead of just being loud it was also breaking. "Do you think I wanted to fall in love wit…"

"Wait. You what," Wash got up and walked over to me. "Say that again. Listen to how crazy you sound." She pointed her finger into my chest to emphasis her next words, "if it were anyone else you would have bounced their ass over that fence."

"Step back Alicia," my voice dropped giving her the warning. She lifted her hands up as if to surrender and took a couple of steps back. As angry as I wanted to be with her, I knew that of all the people in the colony, hell in the universe she was the only one with the right to take me to task on this. I did owe her an explanation. "I never wanted this. If I could just hate the girl… I tried to place her with other families. I tried to get her as far from me as possible. By the time… It was too late. Skye is the other half of my soul. She just dug in and… I love her and no matter what I always will." I didn't look at Alicia anymore. I couldn't. As the words left my mouth I was ashamed for everything. Wash walked back toward me and did something I didn't expect. She hugged me.

"We had plans remember? We're going to be two old has-beens rocking on the porch irritating the new recruits with stories of our glory days. We had plans. We. Us." She stepped back and looked up at me. "I know you. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you forgive her?" I didn't even try to meet her gaze. She was right; I didn't forgive Skye. "Yeah, thought so," Wash retrieved her mug from the counter and placed it in the sink before she left. I was stunned into silence. She left me with plenty to think about.

I took the MILMO out to the terminus a short time later. All the units and supplies were in place. By using the natural terrain, high oxygen, and sunlight we would be able to secure the area around the terminus while using the minimal amount of manpower. Iyanni's and Wash's words haunted me through my day.


	7. Chapter 7

Confessions of a Widowed White Male

Chapter 7:

A/N: Happy New Year my gentle readers. This chapter has earned the M rating.

There are aspects to myself that I find too dark to face. Faucets that I don't dare explore or allow to see the light of day. On a daily basis I am able to function, am able to lead, am able to be a normal man, but I'm sure if my fascination with my beloved ever came to light more than my morality would be questioned. So during the day I oversaw the making of a civilization attempting to right the wrongs of the world we left behind. While at night, behind closed doors, under the security of dark I painfully burned for the affections of a wisp of a girl. A girl who, it seemed, made it her goal to drive me completely mad with my desire for her. When I said I burned for her, I mean as I watched her go through her activities during the evening I was engulfed with a fiery hunger that encompassed every part of my body and soul. So many nights I would lay awake enflamed, praying I were a lesser man so I could go to her and relieve myself of this agony.

Skye, my delicate sprite, at this point was more than abundantly aware of her effects on me. Since that fatal token of man's temptation I stole from her and the fatal token of my temptation she bestowed upon me, and her insistence of prolonging my agony each time she greeted me. Each kiss she pulled along with a flaxen cord toward my own ruin. My beloved would curl on the couch next to me, always touching with either her head or legs on my lap. Graciously permitting me to run my fingers through her russet waves or my hand to lazily stroke her knee while I read what ever asinine business I brought home that kept me from completely ravaging her. Some nights, especially if the Sixers hit a convoy, she would come to my bed with me. Many times she was tearful but often she would simply entwine herself around my body insisting on being held, solemn in her request. The lines between girlish flirtation and deliberate torture were completely distorted beyond recognition long before she turned sixteen.

When Skye informed me that she wished to follow in her father's footsteps and wear the uniform I didn't even bother hiding my pride. She wanted to be a combat medic like Wash but wanted to continue her training and be a doctor. It would require several more years in the classroom coupled with numerous internships in the research lab and clinic. My beloved was more than up for the challenge. I assured her that when the time came her medical training would easily coincide with her basic training.

As a welcome distraction from the subtle cruelty Skye inflicted upon me each day, I began to teach her some of the skills she would learn in basic. Twice a week we would go to the firing range and work on her marksmanship. She has a special eye for it and if she ever wanted to specialize in something other than medicine she would have a hopeful future as a sniper. I wanted for her to learn advanced survival techniques so I arranged with Guzman and Wash a schedule that would allow me to take her OTG a couple nights a month. Where, under my strict tutelage, I could gladly inflict some of the punishment Skye so willingly inflicted unto me. We would always stay inside the perimeter mines but far enough out for my lessons to be quite effective.

One of these trips began at dawn when I woke Skye up and ordered her to run the fence of the colony three times before coming to the command center for her next orders. As soon as she was gone I got her pack together and headed out myself. My morning was a usual blur of paperwork, schedules, and maintenance. Wash rolled her eyes at my smirk when Skye ran up the stairs to the command center. That woman was sharp but she held her tongue.

"Take over from here Wash," I said as I got out of my chair and went over to my beloved. Stray hairs had worked their way out of the ponytail Skye put in before she headed out the door that morning. They floated around her head in an auburn halo. Sweat shone of her flushed skin and I felt satisfied that I made her run the same route I did on nights that I thought would die if I didn't touch her. I retrieved the two packs from behind my desk and tossed Skye hers as I walked passed her toward the gates. "Come on, we're burning daylight." Obediently without complaint my girl followed me out the gate and off into the jungle. On our other outings we would have taken a rover but the goal of this trip is to find alternate shelter.

"Sir, where are we going?" My beloved asked as she trotted up next to me.

"We are going to check the sonic mines," I said smiling back at her. "It should take us the better part of three days."

Before nightfall we managed to visit a third of the sonic mines checking to see if they had been tripped. Falling back out of the blast zone we set up camp. I quizzed her on finding suitable drinking water, what could she find for food, and other such necessities of going OTG without supplies. Our fire was big enough to detour most wildlife using some wet wood to create smoke. Dinosaurs, like other animals, didn't care for the smell or sight of fire. Skye had brought her Plex to work on some homework but toward the end of the night we mostly sat in companionable silence.

"Nate," her oice came out of the darkness.

"Yes Skye," I answered distracted by the security exercises that were going to be run in the up coming month.

"Where were you born?" This pulled me from my reverie, my curiosity piqued. Why would anyone want to know this? Knowing that I could deny her nothing, especially a simple question such as my birth place, I answered her directly.

"Iran."

"What was it like?" My brow furrowed at the irregularity of the questions. She had never indicated any such interest in me before. Concern for my well being but not about anything that wasn't in the moment. Again I humored her and answered the best I could remember.

"Beautiful mountains. Before the pollution got too bad my father took me to see what was left of the jungles. It was one of the last places in the world that still had rainforest. Much of the eastern region here reminds me of what I saw. When I was there some of the real ancient architecture still existed and that was stunning. Looking at where their civilization came from and where it went… I have to say from what I remember, Iran was beautiful." I shifted uncomfortably in my spot. No one not even Iyanni ever shown this kind of interest.

"What was your father's name?"

"Where are these questions coming from?" I asked in return. While I was quite flattered at her asking I had trouble being forthcoming if I didn't know her motivations.

"Do you like kissing me?" she asked in return. Now that caught me of guard and I answered immediately.

"Yes, very much."

"I like kissing you too," I heard her get up from her spot before I saw her silhouette in the fire light as approached me. When she sat next to me I saw the fire reflect in her eyes. "I want to know you. Really know you." The sincerity in her face won me over. We stayed up the night telling each other everything. Because I wanted to really know her too.

The trip cemented our bond, her kisses when she greeted me now had a fire they didn't have before. I would catch her looking at me, much in the same way that I looked at her. It was almost if she returned my affections. Still at night we would go to our separate rooms. More often I would do surprise night inspections or simply run the fence until I was exhausted. She was still quite young and I needed more than mutual affection before I would rob her of her innocence.

Life and training went along as normal. After a few months Guzman reminded me of my responsibilities as a guardian to a teenage girl.

"Sir," Guzman began after one of our training meetings. "Tasha wanted me to ask if you were planning anything for Skye's birthday that she could help with."

"Excuse me," I answered thoroughly confused. I knew that Tasha's birthday as about two months behind Skye's and Guzman was planning something rather large. He undertook the task with the efficiency and voracity that he did with any mission I gave him. I just thought it was simply unique to his family. Guzman began to explain the rite of passage that was a girl's sixteenth birthday. He had only just started when Wash returned to my office to retrieve her jacket she forgot.

"Wash, I'm right right?" he asked my lieutenant. "A girl's sixteenth birthday. Big deal right." She looked from Guzman to me a bit surprised.

"Yeah, sweet sixteen," she affirmed. "Big deal."

Both went on to explain to me the idea that a young woman needed to introduced into proper society. Here it should mark an entrance into adulthood since most entry level positions had a minimum age of sixteen. It was something celebrate. Reluctantly I allowed myself to be talked into opening up my house for the event. Skye, my lovely Skye, sympathetic to my need of solitude only invited a few close friends and told them that come midnight the part was over.

Even with the small guest list I still found myself on the back porch hiding from the noise. Guzman, god bless the man by offering to help chaperone, joined me. He intercepted some of the alcohol the Boyce boy brought, though we both were sure he didn't get it all.

"Girls," Guzman began sitting next to me. "My biggest joy and my biggest worry." He handed me a glass of the moonshine. I gratefully took it. "I think maybe this is a rite of passage for the fathers. To realize that our girls aren't children anymore." I was reluctant to go along with this line of conversation. My feelings for Skye were far from paternal but Guzman seemed to need to talk about this. I know that he would feel the empty nest more profoundly than I would. Guzman waxed poetic about children and girls the more intoxicated he got.

"You know you have a house full of drunken teenagers," Wash said as she walked out on my back porch. Then seeing me and Guzman in our cups rolled her eyes and said, "Jesus, here give me some of that." Guzman passed her the bottle and she joined us. She wanted to drop of the field medic kit and head back to the barracks but we were glad for her company. I spent the rest of the evening in the company of good friends telling the same tired was stories we all heard before. When midnight rolled around we divided up the teenagers and shuffled them safely back home.

Soon I found myself cleaning up while a slightly intoxicated Skye watched me from the couch. She lay on her side propping up her head with her hand smiling a wicked little smile as I wandered the room with a trash bag. I was amazed at the mess a couple of teenagers could create. Skye caught my wrist when I was cleaning up the coffee table. She unsuccessfully tried to pull me down to her level. She did get me to sit on the couch in front of her.

"What's on your min…" she pounced on me with a powerful kiss. Wrapping her arms around my and pressed her full body against me. It caught me off guard and she did succeeded this time in almost pulling me on top of her. I gladly kissed her back dropping the trash bag on the floor next to the couch. It lasted only briefly before Skye pulled back and gave me a sultry look. She moved back and began to take her shirt off. "Whoa, wait," I said grabbing her arms and tried to pull her shirt back down. She just giggled and continued to attempt continue to pull her shirt off.

It quickly turned into a wrestling match where she eventually managed to get her arms out of the shirt and it just hang around her neck. Suddenly I was aware of how close I was to her, how warm her skin was, and my hand lay softly almost casually like it belonged there on her stomach. The silence grew between us and I thought for one moment then kissed her. It wasn't the fiery passion she met me with but slow taking my time. I enjoyed every part of her. My hand slid across her skin. I pulled her closer to me. I felt her melt under my touch. Melt into me. Coming up for air I didn't want to go too far but really I did. Finally screaming into the back of brain was the fact Skye was inebriated and if I admitted it so was I. I got off the couch and picked up the bag and started to clean again. Skye pouted but got up too following me. She turned me around and kissed me again. "Go get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning." I spun her around and sent her off with a swat on the ass.

The next morning the only conversation we both were willing to have was the location of the coffee pot and how bright the sun is. After a couple glasses of water and some coffee I was back to normal but my darling pixy spent most of her morning in the bathroom. Which in turn is where I spent my morning holding her hair back, laying a cold rag on the back of her neck.

"I feel miserable," she croaked her head laying against the toilet seat.

"There is a way to get you to stop throwing up," I said and there was a way. It wasn't pleasant but it would work.

"Anything." She looked up at me out of the corner of her eye.

I went over to the bathtub and began to fill it with cold water, ignoring the sound of painful protest from my beloved at the sound of running water. I pulled her to her feet and began to strip her down to her underwear. She was still in her night clothes when I pulled off her night shirt I found she lacked a bra, which gave me pause and some embarrassment. She moaned and said she felt like she was going to get sick again, I picked her up and put her into the bathtub. She let out a yelp but didn't otherwise resist.

"Get in here with me," she said after a few minutes. I nodded and went to my room to change into a pair of shorts. Sitting up she made room so I could sit behind her, Skye rolled on her side and lay on my chest, within twenty minutes she was asleep. We stayed there for a couple of hours; I held her wet and shivering, making sure she didn't slide under the water. When she stirred I suggested she go back to bed and with my assistance that is where she stayed the rest of day.

Things between us became more heated after that night. It was as if I were invited along to stand witness to young love, this is what I believed she felt for me. She would greet me in the evening when I came home, she would corner me in the kitchen, and she returned to my bed. Soon I learned that my touches were more than welcome. My beloved would enjoy me coming up behind her move her hair aside and kiss the nape of her neck, again melting into me shivering under my touch. The nights she came to my bed we would only kiss and hold but no more. That would be too far. That would not be permitted. I would rise in the morning long before she would and behold her sleeping form with almost pious reverence. I could never touch her in a true carnal way.

One evening, while she studied wound care in the field, she mentioned that Wash said she put 67 stitches in my side. Skye, ever curious wanted to see them. After much convincing I lifted the side of my shirt and allowed her to see Wash's handy work. I watched as her fingers felt along my scare while she examined it. I tried to stifle a moan as her fingers danced across my skin.

"Am I hurting you," she looked up at me.

"No," I stared at the wall. I wish she would just stop. Didn't she have a test to study for? Why does she lie to torture me so?

"Do you have anymore?" I looked at her incredulous that she would ask that. Of course I had more but I wasn't likely to show it to her. She looked at me imploringly.

"Yes," I growled I took off my shirt and moved forward so she could see my back. I had scars from shrapnel, a couple of cuts here and there, but she looked at them like they were the most interesting things ever. There was a thin scar, you could barely see it unless you were really looking that ran up the back of my neck into my hairline. It was one of my few scars that didn't come from battle but from falling off my bike at age ten. Skye had moved behind me her legs wrapped around my waist to hold me still. My hands rested on her calves. When she ran her finger down that scar my breath caught and squeezed her legs. "Don't." my voice barely above a whisper. I then felt her breath on the side of my neck before I felt her mouth. Almost knowing what was coming next. First it felt like a flutter but she began to be more aggressive finally biting me hard enough that I knew it would leave a mark. I reached around and pulled her into my lap and began to kiss her. At first it caught her off guard then as so many times before I felt her melt in my lap. Mold to my touch and soon begged for more. Eventually I pulled away both of us red flustered. Skye not quite knowing what to feel or do; I excused myself for the night and went to bed early.

Some time later I was informed that one of the communication towers we used to relay information to the remote outposts on the peninsula had failed after a lightening storm. Diagnostics showed it was a power failure and appeared to only be a matter of replacing the fried power cells. A very simple and direct task and since it was in the opposite direction of the Sixers' territory I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for Skye to utilize her training. Handing off command to Guzman, I headed out in search of my beloved.

I shadowed her as she gathered appropriate supplies. Within the hour of giving her the assignment we were headed off toward the tower. Her plan was to make the trek out there, repair the tower, stay the night in the tower, and return in the morning. Since I was only there to watch, I made no comment when she looked to me for approval. Skye needed to learn to stand on her own two feet without apology to anyone. I was confident in her ability to do this mission.

We arrived to the site in the late afternoon. Skye was able to make the repairs with minimal assistance from me. As the diagnostics showed, it was a matter of replacing the power cells. Skye asked my opinion if the cells could be recycled or were they truly wasted. I assured her that they could be used for something and loaded them on the rover for her.

As the evening wore on we rolled out our bags on the floor and locked ourselves in the tower. It was making season for the Nykos, which turned the normally hostile bastards into blindly psychotic. Not long after I tuned off the lantern I heard Skye moving around. I wondered if the screeching mating call was making her as uncomfortable as it was me.

"You alright over there?" I questioned rolling on my back watching some of the moon light filter through the vents. She didn't answer but I heard Skye walking toward me. I moved over in my bag, expecting her to climb in like she had done so many times before. When my arms went around her I discovered she wasn't wearing anything.

To speak frankly, I had never been with a woman since Iyanni. There really isn't a particular reason. I never dated. Never sought the company of a lady of the night. Nothing. At that moment I realized simply how inexperienced I truly was and I never felt fear like I did in that moment.

Any protests I had were quickly cut off by her kiss. She made quick work of the clothing I was wearing. Soon I was exploring desperately the object of my total desire and to my great surprise was being likewise explored. Painfully I memorized every moment of that night. My beloved, my goddess held my life in her hands I surrendered any will I might have had left. That night there was just her. Only her. The sacred and profane merged at one point leaving me in the indistinguishable portion of heaven or hell in which I currently reside. Not only did I accept my ruin I ran happily toward it. Welcoming it with open arms. From that moment on I was her total willing slave and she knew it. Though she would never truly take advantage of the situation or I thought she never would. She was my love and my life. My only regret is that I never told her sooner.

She never looked at another male, man or boy. That is until Josh Shannon arrived to Terra Nova.


End file.
